The One With James' New Girlfriend
by Allons-y Lovelies
Summary: "I don't want to kiss James-" / "You shouldn't lie, darling, we can all see the chemistry between you two, no matter how much you try to hide it." / "-and I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to kiss me. Also, for some reason, I don't think that a kiss would snap him out of it. That only happens in cheesy films and those stupid romance novels that Alice reads." R&R! ONESHOT


_Disclaimer- I don't own HP!_

**The One With James' New Girlfriend**

'_She should keep in mind, there is nothing I do better than revenge.' - Taylor Swift_

"I didn't know James was going out with someone," Marlene 'Marley' McKinnon said confusedly, peering over at the girl who was currently trying to suck off James Potter's face. She prided herself on being the girl people came to for the latest gossip. Somehow, she knew everything that happened at Hogwarts, even if it was just the measly escapades of Jack the First Year, so not knowing that someone as prominent as James Potter was no longer single was a huge blow to her ego.

Lily Evans' head came up out of her book immediately. "What? James is going out with someone?" She frowned at the couple, trying to see why James would want to snog the girl. Sadly, she found several reasons. She had long blonde ringlets tumbling down her back, and from what she saw of this girl's face, it looked like she had pretty features, sort of elfin. Lily could never get _her _hair to do that, she thought resentfully. Maybe _that _was why he wasn't asking her out lately.

Alice Prewett shook her head. "I don't understand. There's been no build-up whatsoever! I don't think I've even seen her before." Alice was a bit of a romantic and adored reading novels about love and general fluffiness. What she had gathered from books like that, was that there were usually weeks of romantic build-up and sexual tension before a couple got together, and none of them had observed any build-up between this girl and James. Well known couples in the school were observed and betted on carefully during their… courtship. James was well known, so it was very surprising that nobody, judging from the confused murmurs, knew about it.

"Who the hell is she anyway?" Lily said, narrowing her eyes at the girl.

"Is that- No, it can't be," Marley muttered, trying to get a better look at the girl.

"Yes, it is." Sirius Black sat down next to Marley and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, before giving her a kiss on the cheek.  
Marley and Sirius had a bit of a confusing relationship. It was like they were friends with benefits, but they refused to call it that. They called it, 'Friends Who Occasionally Snogged In Broom Closets', FWOSIBC for short. Many a time it had been wondered why they didn't just announce themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, but all they said was, "That'll ruin it." As Friends Who Occasionally Snogged In Broom Closets, they were allowed to also snog/go out with other people. The catch was that nobody ever wanted to go out with either in fear of retribution from either. It was really quite silly, but Marley and Sirius seemed to like it, and that was all that mattered.

"Who is it?" Alice asked impatiently.

"Annabelle Erlot," Sirius and Marley said in unison, both sounding uncharacteristically grim.

"What? Who on earth is Annabelle Erlot?"

"Erlot? Where have I heard that name before?" Lily said thoughtfully, trying to remember if there were any seventh year Gryffindor's named Annabelle.

"Annabelle Erlot is a sixth year, and she is the nicest bitch in Gryffindor." Sirius straightened up and beckoned them closer. "If Erlot wants to, she can be sweet as honey. But to those specific people that she doesn't like, Merlin help them, she's a real cow. She's been after James for _years_, and has never been successful because of his pursuing of Evans. But now, she's finally done it."

Suddenly, Lily knew exactly where she'd seen Annabelle Erlot before. "Oh! She's that slag who hexed me last year!" Last year, James had kissed Lily. Lily pushed him away. Annabelle hexed her for rejecting him/being kissed by him. That was the short story, anyway. Lily got her back afterwards, though, with the help of Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Let's just say that once those three were done, she was looking more like a goose than a girl.

"Yep," Sirius said, taking a chocolate frog out of his pocket. "She hates your guts, Evans, and I suspect that he's either been fed a love potion or that he has been imperiused, as he would never go out with her of his own accord." He started to unwrap the frog, and frowned when he saw the card. "Damn, Merlin again."

"I'm leaning towards the first option," Marley said, ignoring Sirius when he placed the card in her hands. "I mean, James is head over heels for Lily, isn't he? So I'm finding it a bit hard to believe that he'd suddenly just start snogging some sixth year tart."

"Well, he hasn't actually been asking me out, has he?" Lily said, irritated.

"Does that really matter, Lovely?" Alice said to her, using Professor Slughorn's silly pet name for her. "Just because he hasn't been asking you out every single day doesn't mean that he has stopped liking you. Really, this happens in all the best romance novels. It's like you didn't even read the books I sent you, because this sort of thing happened in all them."

"Alice, darling, none of us read the books you send. They're usually filled with sickeningly sweet romance and a lot of sex," Marley said disgustedly. "Which none of us, except for you, are interested in."

Alice shrugged. "There's nothing better than a good sex scene on a rainy day."

Sirius blinked at her. "Girls do that?"

"Erm, yes," she said. "Well, at least, I do. I just don't know what you girls have against sex scenes."

Lily just shook her head slowly, but Marley answered. "I prefer the real thing, right Sirius?"

"Definitely," Sirius said. "And-"

"Merlin, what is she doing to him?" Lily interrupted, staring at James and Annabelle with disgust.

"I think she's trying to get his shirt off…" Alice offered helpfully.

None of them could look away, however hard they tried. It was like looking at a car crash. No matter how wrong it was and no matter how much they would regret it later, they couldn't stop looking. Also, James' general chest and stomach area was rather nice, so that was a contributing factor.

"Would you stop it?" Sirius snapped his fingers in front Marley's face, effectively waking them all up out of their abs induced stupor. "Mine are much better than his, you know, and you don't need to watch me make out with someone to see them," he said.

"Sirius, you don't play Quidditch, so you don't have the muscles that Quidditch players have," Marley said matter-of-factly, as if he should have known that. Alice and Lily nodded in agreement.

"Being a commentator just isn't the same," Alice sighed.

"I hate you all." Sirius frowned and stuck out his lower lip. "None of you appreciate me."

"Aww, honey, we appreciate you," Alice said, rubbing his back comfortingly. But behind her back, Marley was shaking her head and playfully mouthing something quite different.

"Getting back to our previous conversation," Lily said, scowling at the three of them. "How do we stop James' from acting like he drank a love potion?"

"Kiss him," Sirius said, as if the answer should have been obvious. "That's what happens in all of those Disney movies, like Snow White and Sleeping Beauty…." He trailed off when he caught sight of the girls' dumbfounded looks. They were astounded that Sirius watched movies, let alone muggle Disney. "What? Mrs Potter likes muggle things," he said defensively.

Lily just shook her head with a small smile. "It doesn't matter. But the difference in those movies, is that the girls were sleeping and they actually wanted to be kissed by the handsome Prince Charming. I mean, who wouldn't? I don't want to kiss James-"

"You shouldn't lie, darling, we can all see the chemistry between you two, no matter how much you try to hide it."

"-and I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to kiss me. Also, for some reason, I don't think that a kiss would snap him out of it," she said with a glare aimed at Marley. "That only happens in cheesy films and those stupid romance novels that Alice reads."

"Oi! They are not stupid!" Alice said, annoyed. "Watch what you're saying, Evans."

"Alright ladies, break it up," Sirius said, looking bored. "We need a game plan. Evans, what you're going to do is go up to them, push that blonde haired trollop off of his lap, and kiss him so hard that his head spins."

Alice looked impressed. "You read those romance novels as well?"

"I am not going to just go up to him and kiss him! I don't actually like him like that!" Lily said.

"Then why are you glaring at Erlot like you want to personally behead her?" Marley wondered.

"Merlin! Just leave me alone!" Lily exclaimed.

"Look, Evans, if you're worried that James doesn't like you anymore, than please, stop. You have no idea how many times this year I've had to listen to him going on about how you're the one and all of that bullshit. Don't tell me I went through that for nothing."

"Black, I'm telling you, James doesn't like me anymore! _That _is your proof!" Lily gestured agitatedly towards the couple.

"Lovely, here's what you're going to do. You're going to dress up for the next Hogsmeade trip, which, incidentally, is this Saturday, and show James exactly what he's missing," Alice said firmly.

"No, she's not going to do anything," Marley said. "Lily said that she's not interested in James, so we're not doing anything."

Lily smiled gratefully at her. "Thanks, Marley. I'm going to go to the Library to finish my Charms homework, since I'm not going to get anything done here with that disgusting display of PDA." And after sending the couple a dirty look, she stood up gracefully and left Gryffindor's common room.

"What the bloody hell do you mean, we're not going to do anything?" Sirius said, outraged. "This is our chance to get them-" Marley held her finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Exactly. This is our chance. We're going to wait her out." She got a devious glint in her blue eyes. "Knowing Lily, when she sees Erlot and James dry humping against every wall in Hogwarts, she will get insanely jealous. Soon enough, she will have hexed Erlot and snogged James, all in the space of a week. It's the perfect plan."

Sirius and Alice looked at her with amazement. "You, my friend, are devious," he said.

"Thank you."

* * *

Lily clenched her fork in her fist when she saw Annabelle Erlot massaging James' shoulders in the Great Hall.

"Lovely? Sweetie, drop that poor fork before you bend the metal," Alice said lightly.

"Stupid bint," Lily muttered, levelling a lethal glare at Erlot as the girl started feeding James scrambled eggs from her own fork.

Marley winked at Alice, basically saying that the plan was already working. "Oh, darling, green is not a good look for you."

Lily sent a rude gesture her way, and took a sip of coffee. She would need all of her wits about her today. She didn't want to be caught off guard by any of her friends or Sirius, as she had no doubt that they were looking to 'accidentally' push her into James so that they would have a 'romantic' (read: awkward) moment.

"Lily?" Remus Lupin tapped her on the shoulder, an easy smile on his face. "Just wanted to remind you that we're patrolling tonight."

Lily groaned. "Thanks for reminding me, Remus. Almost forgot."

"No need to thank me Lily. I always remind you now since you have a rather bad habit of forgetting these sorts of things," Remus said, giving her a sage look.

"You know me too well."

"Sit down, Remus," Alice said welcomingly. "I want to talk to you about something."

Remus sat down next to Lily, stealing a piece of bacon off of her plate. When it got closer to the full moon, he always got cravings for meat. "Yeah? What is it?"

Alice leaned closer, as if she was about to share a secret. "What do you know about Annabelle Erlot and James Potter?"

Remus shrugged. "Not much. I'm actually a bit surprised that James hasn't told us all about it."

Marley scowled. "Well, what a load of help you are."

"Why are you even interested?" Remus shot back.

"Because I have a reputation to uphold as gossip queen of Hogwarts," Marley said without hesitation.

"Why don't you ask Peter? I think that he knows more than I do."

"Great idea, Remus," Alice said. "Peter? Could you come over here a sec? Thanks."

Peter Pettigrew looked at them warily, before sliding onto the bench next to Remus.

"What do you want? I need James to look over my Charms essay before class," Peter said.

"Oh, this will only take a moment," Alice said. "Do you know anything about Annabelle Erlot and James Potter?"

It only took a few seconds before Peter started to stutter and redden. "I-I d-don't know what you're t-talking about," he said, his eyes shifting from side to side suspiciously as he avoided Alice and Marlene's keen gazes.

"C'mon Peter; you can tell us." Alice gave him a winning smile.

"N-no, I can't. I'm just going to go now." He scampered off, forgetting to ask James to check over his Charms essay.

Alice's smile dropped, and a disgruntled look graced her face. "That went well," she said sarcastically.

"Alright, we need to pull out the secret weapon, then," Lily said. "Remus, you're going to ask James."

"I thought you didn't want any part in this," Marley said, but she chose not to peruse that train of thought when Lily sent a ferocious glare her way.

"Wait, wait, wait. Who said that I was going to help you?" Remus said.

"You're definitely going to be helping us. You want to know about James and that bitch as much as the rest of us do." Marley stared him down, but he stood firm. She might've been right, but that didn't mean that he wanted to be made out as a wimp.

"That might be true, but I'll find out in my own time. Get Lily to do it, he'll be more receptive if it's her," he said.

Lily crinkled her nose. "Fine. But Marley, you get Erlot."

"Aww, can't I have her?" Alice whined.

Marley was quick to shake her head vigorously. "No way. I want to mess her up."

"Don't you think I want to do the same?" Alice said, and they all snorted. Alice Prewett was the kindest girl ever, and disliked violence. Seeing her 'mess someone up' would be like the beginning of the apocalypse. "She is breaking up _Lily and James_-"

"There _is _nothing to break up!" Lily exclaimed.

"-and I'm not okay with it. You can't just break up the dream couple. It's a crime against nature." Alice nodded firmly to reinforce her point, and Lily restrained herself from snarling a mean comment about where Alice could shove her 'dream couple' that was on the tip of her tongue.

"Still, no. Erlot is _mine_." Marley gave Annabelle and James a cold smirk that made the others a tiny bit apprehensive.

"Alright then. We have a game plan." Lily rubbed her hands together in anticipation. "We'll meet back here at lunch to compare notes."

* * *

"Hey, Erlot!" Marley called out, running to catch up with Annabelle as she walked down a Hogwarts hallway. Annabelle turned, and pointed to herself.

"Yeah, you!" Marley said, slightly out of breath. "Could you just stop there? Right, thanks." She slowed to a stop next to Annabelle, and gave her a grin. "Hello, I don't believe we've met."

"Aren't you Marlene McKinnon?" Annabelle said, a pretty smile on her face.

"Yes, and you're Annabelle Erlot," Marley replied. "But please, call me Marley." She linked her arm with Annabelle's, and started to walk again.

"Only if you call me Anna," Annabelle said.

"I'm in a Muggle Studies class, and for homework, we've been asked to interview a pureblood about various things. I chose you, because, you know, you're dating James Potter," Marley let out a little squeal, as if dating James Potter was the most exciting thing since sliced bread. "And you're just so damn beautiful."

"Oh, thank you, but I'm not a pure-"

"So, when did you and James become a couple?"

Annabelle blinked a little. "Erm… Yesterday?"

Marley smiled. "And why are you dating James?"

"Because I want to. What's with the Spanish Inquisition?" Annabelle said with a frown.

"Actually, the Spanish Inquisition wasn't an actual inquisition-" Marley couldn't resist saying, but she was interrupted.

"Goodbye." Annabelle turned back around and continued on her way.

"Wait! Hold it right there! Stay- Ah, bugger." Marley bit her lip, before once again running after her. No more little miss nice girl. She pushed up her sleeves. "Would you bloody well stop?" she cried out, and Annabelle stilled once again.

"What do you _want_?" Annabelle said exasperatedly. "I'm meeting up with Jamie, and you're making me late." _Jamie?_

"Oh, this won't take a second," Marley said, before taking out her wand and pushed Annabelle against a wall rather roughly. "Listen up, kiddo. James? Yeah, he's taken. By _Lily Evans_. So you had better back off."

Annabelle's jaw dropped, and she pushed Marley off of her. "Oh, I'm starting to want you to make me," she said angrily.

"Don't push me, Annie darling. I have a whole book of nasty hexes memorised if you don't leave James alone."

Annabelle didn't hesitate before hitting Marley in the face, and Marley felt a rush of white hot pain as her nose broke, making blood spurt everywhere. "Get the hell away from me you freak," Annabelle snarled, before storming off.

* * *

"Merlin!" Alice exclaimed as Marley entered the common room, a blood soaked handkerchief clamped to her nose. "What the bloody hell happened?"

Marley just pushed past her and marched over to Sirius, with Alice following. When Sirius saw her, his face darkened. "Who did that to you?" he said, examining her broken nose.

Marley shook her head, and pointed to her nose, silently asking him to fix it. But Sirius didn't know any healing spells well, so he waved Remus over.

"Remus, can you fix her up? Her nose is broken," Sirius said. "And I want to know who did it."

Remus told Sirius to calm down, before waving his wand over Marley's nose and saying, "_Episkey_." Marley's nose felt very hot, and then very cold. She poked at it, to see if it was actually fixed, and then smiled thankfully at Remus.

"Alright McKinnon, who did it?" Sirius demanded.

"That bitch, Erlot. I swear to Merlin, she is at the top of my list."

"What list would that be?" Remus asked curiously.

"My 'Who to Kill When I Rule the World' list."

"I didn't know you had a list like that," Alice said.

"That's because I put you on it when you ate the last lemon tart at dinner last week."

"That wasn't me, that was Erlot!"

Remus chuckled, but Sirius just rolled his eyes. "That's it, I've had enough of her. First she eats that lemon tart, then she steals James, then she punches you in the face. She's got to go." He turned to go and give Annabelle Erlot a piece of his mind, but Marley caught hold of his wrist.

"No, it was my fault. I made the first move. I'm hoping that Lily goes and jinxes her when she gets fed up."

"The sad thing is that that scenario is very likely," Alice said.

"Exactly."

"Merlin, McKinnon, I thought you were just going to get information," Sirius said with a frown. At her questioning look, he said, "Remus told me."

"I may or may not have threatened her…"

"McKinnon, sometimes I wonder about you."

* * *

"Potter, we need to rearrange the patrol schedule. Higgins jinxed Goyle on their patrol, and she's refusing to work with him now." Lily's books thumped onto the table as she sat down next to James.

"Alright, let's get started then. Did you take the schedule last time or did I?" James asked as he moved his Transfiguration textbook to the side of the table.

"I think that you did," Lily said as she flipped through her binder. "I can't find it in here."

James took his folder out from his satchel and looked through it, before glancing back up at her with wide eyes. "I don't have it either."

Lily swore softly. "We don't have any other copies."

"McGonagall's gonna kill us if we go to her asking for another one, especially after what happened last time," James said.

"Last time was your fault."

"It is _not _my fault that Sirius decided to mix gunpowder and fireworks so that he could blow up the patrol schedule! It was his idea to do it."

"He said it was because you were ignoring him!"

"That was because he destroyed my lucky Quidditch scarf!"

Their argument was disrupted by- you guessed it- Annabelle Erlot. She rested her chin on James' shoulder and wrapped her arms around his chest, kissing his cheek in greeting. "Jamsie, cupcake, where on earth have you been? We were meant to meet up an hour- What the bloody hell is _she _doing here?"  
Lily clenched her quill tightly, telling herself that killing Annabelle wasn't worth Azkaban.

"Sorry Annie, Head duties." James looked uncomfortable, and his shoulders were tensed beneath Annabelle's arms.

"I see. Well, you know before? That was a hint, Evans. It's time for you to go bye bye," Annabelle said, blue eyes narrowed.

"Hey, Annie, play nice," James reprimanded lightly.

"Why should I? She doesn't. Haven't you heard what she did me last year?" Annabelle's eyes started to fill with fake tears as she began to recount the absolutely made up story about how she was turned into a goose by Lily, Peter and Remus, showing her in the best possible light. That meant discarding the fact that Annabelle had hexed Lily first.

"Oh yeah, I heard about that! That was hilar-" At the sight of Annabelle's mildly threatening look, he quickly changed the adjective. "Horrible, absolutely horrible."

Lily stood up and stopped herself from hexing the stupid bint. "Christ, forget about it. I'll see if Remus has any spare copies of the patrol schedule," Lily said exasperatedly, before turning and storming out of the library, ignoring Madam Pince's foul looks at the volume of her voice.

* * *

"I'm going to bloody well murder her," Lily said as she sat down at the Gryffindor table for lunch.

"Get in line," Marley said, picking up a ham and cheese sandwich from a round platter in the middle of the table.

"I swear, she comes in during a Head meeting thing, and she basically humps him whilst snarling nasty comments about me! Can you believe that?"

"What a skank," Alice said seriously, trying to hide an amused grin.

"I know, right?! And then she just starts talking about the goose story as if it was all _my _fault-"

"It _was _your fault."

"Yes, but Remus and Peter helped," Lily said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"Okay Lovely, alright. Did you hear about what Erlot did to poor Marley?" Alice said, eager to tell Lily about that epic punch in the nose.

"No, but do tell. You've got me interested," said Lily as she snagged a chicken and tomato sandwich from Alice's plate.

"Well, Erlot broke her nose."

Lily let loose a shocked laugh, before snapping her mouth shut. "Excuse me? Did you just say that Erlot punched Marley in the face? I thought that she was a pureblood. Do they even know how to do that?"

"Actually, she said that she was a half blood," Marley said. "Probably learnt it from one of her parents. And man, she has a great right hook."

Lily gave Marley a look that shouted 'Really?' "Marley, she hit you in the face. Tell me you're not angry about that."

Marley shrugged. "I made the first move. But I think that Sirius might've slipped something into her drink, even though I told him not to do anything."

They all looked up from their food when they heard Annabelle say loudly, "Bye honey, I'm just going to go and speak to my friends." She gave James a noisy kiss on the lips (which left James wiping saliva off of his face), before flouncing away. The bright flicker of an idea shone in Alice's eyes. "Whore," Annabelle whispered into Lily's ear as she went past.

Lily made to get up and give her a piece of her mind (read: fist. Or wand. Whichever was quicker.), but Alice clamped down onto her arm to keep her in her seat.

"That bitch. I swear, one more move and I'm going to make her into an Erlot pancake. Or maybe I'll turn her into a goose again." Lily sighed. "Decisions, decisions."

"You know, I think that McGonagall is holding anger management classes…"

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

"Hi, Selena, is it?" Alice said with a pretty smile to the brunette next to her.

"Yeah. Aren't you Alice Longbottom?" Selena said, and Alice's smile became rather fixed.

"Prewett, actually."

"Ah, right, my apologies," Selena said.

"No problem. Actually, I just came to ask you something. You're friends with Annabelle Erlot, right?"

"Yep, Anna's brilliant."

"I was just wondering, what's up with her and James Potter?"

Selena's face lit up at the opportunity to spread gossip, and she leaned in close to Alice, gesturing for her to do the same. "I know, right? They are so bad together, you know, personality wise, but in the looks department? Dead sexy. She told me that the only reason she's going out with James is to make Lily Evans jealous."

"Why would she want to do that?" Alice wondered.

"Oh, Annabelle hates Lily. She wants her to see exactly what she's missing, and when Lily realises that she wanted James all along, then she won't be able to have him because he's with Annabelle. It's actually pretty elaborate. You see, Annabelle's baiting Lily. You've probably noticed that they're basically having clothed sex everywhere. Annabelle's making sure that Lily sees it all, so that she knows that James is taken."

"And James doesn't know?" Alice said, more a statement than a question.

"No. But I think that he's trying to make Lily jealous too, because I just can't see any attraction between those two." Selena shook her head. "They've both got their own agendas, definitely. I just think that Lily should kiss James and get it over with. I mean, those two are a match made in Heaven."

"Too true," Alice agreed. "Now, if you'll just excuse me, I've got somewhere to be. It was nice meeting you!"

"Yeah, you too!" Selena replied, giving her a nice but confused smile.

* * *

"C'mon Lils, time for patrol." Lily looked up from the glistening ink on the parchment in front of her to see Remus standing there with his arms crossed, the fire highlighting the strands of blonde in his hair.

"Patrol? Really? Couldn't you have told me earlier?" Lily complained, and Remus chuckled.

"Lily, I did tell you earlier. Actually, I told you at lunch."

"Remind me again why we have to patrol?" she said as Remus grabbed onto her outstretched hands and hauled her up.

"To bust any snogging couples that might be occupying the broom closets," Remus said matter-of-factly.

"But I just don't understand _why_ they would want to snog in the hallways and broom closets and whatever else they can come up with. It's all so dark."

"Scared?" Remus said with a small smile.

"You wish." And with that, they walked out of Gryffindor's common room.

* * *

Annabelle stopped talking with one of her friends, Maggie, in the second that Remus Lupin said the word 'patrol'. Annabelle's eyes brightened as she saw an opportunity to make Lily jealous, and she left her friend quickly with a muttered, "Bye." Before she went to fetch her 'boyfriend'.

Lily Evans and her friends would regret crossing her.

* * *

"How've you been going with that Transfiguration essay, Remus?" Lily said as they strolled through the halls.

Remus made a face. "I haven't even started."

"Remus, it's due in two days," Lily scolded lightly.

"So you haven't done it either?" he said with a grin.

Lily gave him a mock offended look. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Lupin, and I don't like what you're insinuating."

"Do you want to do it together tomorrow? I know that you were having a bit of trouble with the theory," Remus said as he opened a broom closet to see if there were any couples. Sadly (or thankfully) there weren't.

"Please," Lily said appreciatively. "I mean, I know that McGonagall's speaking English, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like it."

Remus nodded in agreement. "Maybe we could invite James too, 'cause he's the best at Transfiguration."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "It'll take too long for him to detach himself from Erlot," she said, and he stifled a small snicker.

"Oh James!" A girl moaned, disrupting the conversation.

Lily froze. "Did she say James?"

Remus shook his head. "Lily, there's more than just one James in the school. That might not be him and Erlot."

"But you have to admit, it's very likely." Lily crept forward, and peered around the corner, before quickly pulling back when she saw a couple snogging in the shadow of a statue.

The girl moaned again, making Lily poke out her tongue at them and Remus held back a laugh at her behaviour. "Oh, shut up, you banshee," she said.

"Do you want to bust them, or shall I?" Remus asked, amused.

"You do it. If it's really James and Erlot, I want to hex her in secret."

Remus rolled his amber eyes, and rounded the corner, clearing his throat loudly. "Excuse me, you two are out past curfew," he said, wand lit up.

"Aww, c'mon Moony, I'm Head Boy. Don't I have immunity to that curfew thing?" The wand illuminated James' glittering eyes and swollen lips, and Lily held back an angry hiss.

"No, it certainly does not," Remus said sternly. "And don't even try the puppy-dog eyes, because I can ignore Sirius' and those are much better. 10 points from Gryffindor."

"Come on then Annie, we'll try again tomorrow," James said, making 'Annie' giggle. Lily went to join Remus as the pair sauntered down the hall.

"Alright Lily, now's your chance. I'm not seeing anything," Remus whispered, and Lily, with a rather evil grin, pointed her wand at the disappearing form of Annabelle Erlot before muttering a spell, which hit Annabelle in the back. Annabelle didn't feel a thing, but she stumbled a bit before James caught her, which irritated Lily.

"Lily? Did you do that right? Nothing's happening."

"Nothing's meant to happen yet. It's all delayed, so that everyone can get a glimpse at breakfast."

"I see. You're devious, you know that, right?"

Lily just gave Remus an innocent smile. "Thank you."

* * *

When Annabelle Erlot entered the Great Hall, she didn't notice that she was covered with wiry hair. Lily's spell made it so that everybody else could see the spell, but Annabelle couldn't. It meant that she wouldn't be caught any time soon. The only thing that clued Annabelle in to the fact that something was wrong, was that she would occasionally bark, or feel the urge to sniff someone's butt.

So when Annabelle walked into the Great Hall with her sniggering friends, confident as usual, she couldn't understand why everybody suddenly started to laugh.

"What? What's wrong?" she kept on asking, but when somebody told her that she looked exactly like a German shepherd, she ignored them, saying that they were lying.

"Sit, Annie! Good doggie," Lily said when Annabelle passed her.

"Would you like a dog bowl Erlot? Or maybe a treat!" Marley shouted down the table.

"That's mean," Alice said with a shake of her head. "You didn't even give her a collar. What if she gets lost?"

"Well done Evans," Sirius said as he took a seat next to Marley. "James broke it off with her."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "What makes you think that I care?"

"You just- You just turned Annabelle into a dog because she dated James! Aren't you going to go and snog him senseless now?"

"Sorry Sirius, but I've sworn off dating. After what happened to Erlot, who knows what could happen to me if I dated James?" Lily said.

"You're the one who bloody well hexed her!" Sirius exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Me? No idea what you're talking about, Sirius darling."

Alice suddenly brightened. "Ooh, I almost forgot. The only reason Annabelle and James were dating was to make you jealous," she said to Lily, who grinned widely.

"Really? How very interesting. He put a lot of effort into that," Lily noted. "I wonder why. Bye bye kiddies, I'm going to get ready for the prefect meeting." And with that, she rose from the table and walked away.

"She'll get jealous, you said, she'll kiss James, you said. I don't know why I listen to you," Sirius said.

"I don't either," said Marley, before she gave Sirius a smile and a kiss on the cheek. "I'm really not that trustworthy."

"Don't worry Sirius," Alice said consolingly. "If it's meant to be, it'll all work out in the end."

They were silent for a bit, before Sirius ruined the moment by saying, "That's a load of bullshit. Really Alice, what _are _you reading?"

Alice huffed, Marley laughed and Annabelle barked.

Just a normal day at Hogwarts.

**Oh God, these things keep on getting longer and longer! I'm not sure about this one shot, it seems a bit… I dunno. I can't describe it. No matter, this was written for the ****'The one with the...' Friends Episode Title Challenge, by Forever Siriusly Sirius on HPFC forum.**

**This was also written to celebrate the one year anniversary of my first one shot, ****My First Kiss****! I cannot believe that I have been on here for a little more than a year!**

**Merry Christmas to everyone, have a Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Love,**

**Silvs**


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